It's Time for a Joke

It's always a good time for a Joke

Funny Sayings

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
Max Kaufmann

The early bird may catch the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.
Jon Hammond

“I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can’t smell it, can’t eat it, can’t taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, ‘Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.’”
Jerry Seinfeld

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”
Jerry Seinfeld

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.”
Billy Connolly

“I’m not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells.”
Richard Pryor

“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”
Jack Whitehall

“I’ve just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It started off badly, but by the end I really liked it.”
Gary Delaney

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. You pay good money for that in later life.
Emo Philips

The quickest way to make a million is to start your own religion.
L. Ron Hubbard

When it comes to giving to others, I stop at nothing.
Roger Price

They usually have two tellers in my local bank. Except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner

You can always tell when a man is well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.
Louis Morris

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